Monday, January 31, 2005

Ms. Patti, M.D.

I have to preface this post by saying that I love my son's daycare. I think it's a great center. I have only had a problem with one teacher - who no longer works there. My son is very happy and enjoys his time at "school".

My son has a perpetually runny nose. My son produces copious amounts of drool on a daily basis. At one time in his life, the pediatrician chalked both of these things up to teething and prescribed Tylenol for the pain. Then we moved to Wyoming where the pediatrician said he had allergies - particularly to milk, which caused the runny nose and drooling. She prescribed Claritin and no milk. His new pediatrician thinks that it's just household allergies and prescribed one round of Amoxicillan.

During this time, I have had too many day care providers to count tell me that my son has everything from a "bad" cold to strep (that's what causes rosy cheeks - don't you know) to needing to have his adenoids out.

Today, I picked him up and he was seriously runny and the drool had soaked through his shirt. His teacher had to get snotty with me about it. Here's the conversation as it happened:

Ms. Patti: "He has been like this all day. His nose is very runny and he's been a drool machine. You can even see it in his eyes that he doesn't feel good."

Me: "Wow, he has been drooly. He felt fine over the weekend."

Ms. Patti: "Well, he's certainly not fine today."

Me: "Well, I'll try and get him in to see Dr. Knott either Tuesday or Wednesday."

Ms. Patti: "I think that would be wise. He should check his adenoids again."

This is the conversation as I hear it:

Ms. Patti: "He has been like this all day. His nose is very runny and he's been a drool machine. You can even see it in his eyes that he doesn't feel good. What kind of shitty mother brings her sick kid to daycare"

Me: "Wow, he has been drooly. He felt fine over the weekend. (Well, sort of...)"

Ms. Patti: "Well, he's certainly not fine today. And again, I want to question your abilities as a mother. Why don't you seek medical care for your obviously sick and possibly dying child."

Me: "Well, I'll try and get him in to see Dr. Knott either Tuesday or Wednesday."

Ms. Patti: "I think that would be wise. He should check his adenoids again. As I know more than your pediatrician and even though he doesn't think that it's adenoids - I DO. What kind of mother would just take the advice of her child's pediatrician when there's obviously so much more wrong with your child (not to mention your shitty ass parenting)"

This is where I begin to lose it. My son's sinuses have been an ongoing problem since he turned six months old. I take him to the doctor anytime I feel it's necessary, BUT I don't have the time or the money to take him to the doctor every time he gets the sniffles. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't want my child to continue to have these problems, but I've had three different pediatricians look at him and all of them think he has allergies of some kind - but aren't sure how to treat it long term.

I hate feeling like a bad mom. Actually, my problem is that I don't feel like a bad mom. I feel like a do a good job as a mom. What I hate, is that people (someone?) think that I'm a bad mom.

Ahhhhhh....Mommy guilt. The shit never stops.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

End of Week Four - Stats

Starting Weight: 191
Last Week's Weight: 181
Current Weight: 179
Goal Weight: 130
Loss for this week: -2 pounds
Total Loss: -12 pounds

I've decided to use my home scale since A) it's the scale I used when I started my diet and B) it shows that I've lost more weight.

This next week I'm supposed to start re-introducing carbs. The weight loss is also supposed to slow down to 2 pounds a week rather than 6. That's OK, at the rate of 2 pounds a week I will be at my goal weight the week prior to the Tim McGraw concert.

I still haven't had my appointment with Jay - the ARMY's best personal trainer. I had to cancel this morning since I got snowed in down in Colorado Springs last night. I re-scheduled again for Wednesday night. My dear sweet husband will hopefully tape Alias for me. But we all know how he feels about Alias. Of course, we could join the rest of the 21st Century and get TiVo, but that cost money...good money that could be spent on shoes.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Lucked out at the dentist

I so lucked out at the dentist yesterday. I ended up needing a filling and a "more intensive" cleaning. (Not that that was lucky...) I could either take a cancelled appointment that afternoon, or I could get in on March 16. Needless to day, I took the day off and took the afternoon appointment!

That should tell you something about how much I hate my job on Mondays and Thursdays. I'd rather go to the dentist.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

It's been very hectic

My life has taken an interesting turn for the hectic in the last two days. Work has been soo busy that I haven't had time to keep up on my blogs. (The shock! The horror!)

I went to a spinning class Tuesday morning before work and let me tell you - that kicked my ass. Literally. The bike seat left some bruising on my tushie which is just now starting to feel normal. I spent all day Tuesday walking around bowlegged. I'm sure everyone thought it was for something besides spinning class.

Yesterday morning I decided to swim. I used to swim competitively in high school, so I thought that swimming would be a great idea. Unfortunately for me, I have been working out doing nothing but cardio and really only working my legs. After twenty minutes of swimming yesterday, my arms were so sore I felt like crying.

I decided to sit in the hot tub for a few minutes after my swim and I swear some guy was staring at me the whole time I was in there. But I didn't want to look, just in case he was staring - cause then I'd be caught making eye contact and he might want to talk to me. Do you ever just know when someone is staring at you? That's what it felt like to was kind of creepy. I'm sure I was just being paranoid. Or maybe I just had something coming out of my nose.

This morning I should have gone to the spinning class, but seriously, my ass has just started to recover. I think I'll wait and go again next week. I do have a dentist appointment at 8:30 this morning. It's been four years since I've stepped foor in a dentist office. I hate the dentist (thanks Mom for passing that one down) but in my quest for good health and setting the right example for my son this year - I'm going. I'm sure it's going to be awful. I'm sure I'm going to get the lecture about how I need to see the dentist more often. I personally know of three cavities that are going to have to be filled - I'm sure they'll find more.... I am going to find out how much it costs to get your teeth bleached. Now that I've quit smoking, I can whiten these babies up again :) (BTW - Mom, I'm really proud of you for quitting. I know that it's probably been very hard on you - but you can do it! I know you can.)

I'm dreading going to work after my appointment. Not to say too much, in the off chance this site gets found, but I'm just going to say that Monday's and Thursday's are without a doubt - the worst days of the week for me. I almost hope that the dentist makes me feel SO LOUSY that I need to stay home in bed the rest of today and recover.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Ode to the Krispie Kreme

Why Krispie Kreme oh why! do you have to look so delicious with your neon "hot" sign flashing and the smell of all that delicious glaze and chocolate and sprinkles being fanned at my car as I drive past you. Why Krispie Kreme oh why! do you have to torment me when I am on the stupid fucking diet.

Monday, January 24, 2005

End of Week Three - Stats

Starting Weight: 191
Last Week's Weight: 191
Current Weight: 185 (according to the gym scale) 181 (according to our scale at home)
Goal Weight: 130
Loss for this week: -6 or -10 pounds (depending on which scale you go by)
Total Loss: -6 or -10 pounds

So last night I wrote a really, really long post on my stats that somehow was eaten by the cyberspace Bermuda Triangle. This morning, I am far too tired to try and recreate, here's the Cliff's Notes and if I'm feeling better at lunch or tonight, I'll fill in the details.

Jay - the ARMY's best personal trainer did not show up for our appointment. I was furious. Left the manager of the club a note requesting another trainer. Get a phone call form Jay - the ARMY's best personal trainer, apologizing that he didn't realize that he had an appointment that morning and offers me some free sessions. I hate confrontation, so I accept. But I plan on calling the manager today to bitch about it and still request a different trainer - I'm kind of getting a bad vibe from Jay - the ARMY's best personal trainer.

My son refused to wear a pull-up yesterday, preferring the "big boy underwear" which would be fine, were it not for the fact that he didn't once try to sit on the potty and pee - but just went in the "big boy underwear" leaving little wet spots on the sofa, the carpet and on his bed....

I had a breakdown last night over a stupid bag of cheese and a salad. It was really stupid - but I was soooo looking forward to a meal that wasn't salad and when I ended up having a salad for supper and I couldn't find my bag of shredded cheese to put on it - well, PMS kicked in double time and I ended up hysterical and stupid. To quote Tammy Wynette "Sometimes it's hard to be a woman"!

I'll try to fill in some more details later - or not. Have a great Monday everyone!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

A fool and her Ninety Bucks are soon parted

I think I may have mentioned before that I signed up for the Discovery Health Body Challenge. Part of the deal was an eight week pass to Bally's. (that's the set-up, here's the punch line)

So I went last night to check out the Bally's up the street from my house and to see what I needed to do in order to use my free pass. I get there and I think that the gym is nice. There are a bunch of "larger" ladies roaming around which makes me feel better, because no one wants to be the only elephant at the swimsuit model convention. So, I end up taking a tour with the manager of this particular club (who was VERY nice - I have to throw that in there) and we go back to his office to talk about membership options. In my head, I know that I'm only going to use the eight week pass and that no matter what type of membership he tries to sell me that I'm going to be strong and say "Sorry, no thanks. I'll stick to my eight week pass." I told him that I needed to lost 50 pounds by July 21st, so that I could buy a pair of Seven jeans and a new cowgirl hat to wear to see Tim McGraw at Cheyenne Frontier Days. While most people would laugh at me, he told me "Yeah - we'll have you smokin' hot by the time that concert rolls around." Did you hear that people???? "SMOKIN' HOT"!!!! ME!!!!! SMOKIN' HOT and ME in the SAME SENTENCE!!!! Needless to say, I am now the proud owner of a 3 year $40/month Bally membership. But I'm going to be SMOKIN' HOT!

After I have signed my soul to the devil, he sends in my PERSONAL TRAINER. I now have a PERSONAL TRAINER. My personal trainer is straight out of the ARMY (just got back from Iraq - spent three tours over there - God Bless Him) and I think that he is going to be a drill sergeant. I told him I had started the South Beach Diet and he tells me that I'm eating too much food. TOO MUCH FOOD???? Sweet Baby Jesus - I've been starving myself for a week on this damn diet and you're telling me it's TOO MUCH FOOD?? So I think at my first official session with Jay - the ARMY's best personal trainer - we're going to have a talk about what constitutes enough food. If I'm only allowed one meal and two snacks a day, I may end up SMOKIN' HOT, but I'll end up a divorced, unemployed SMOKIN' HOT bitch with no friends - whose own Mom stopped talking to her SMOKIN' HOT bitchy ass.

I leave Bally's feeling really great about the prospects in my future. Then I realize, I have an appointment Sunday with Jay - the ARMY's best personal trainer - and I have nothing cute to wear. I had been working out in my husbands old ARMY PT clothes. I don't even have a sports bra that fits properly. And seeing as how "the girls" just got a new lease on life - I need to support them however I can. SO I make a quick trip over to Gart Sports, who is having a super fantastic 50% off the lowest marked price clearance sale. (Cue the angel music, because to me there is nothing sweeter in the world than the word CLEARANCE, shit that reminds me - Foley's is having a Red Apple Sale today and now I'm broke - FUCK) Sorry - back to the sporting goods for "the girls". Initially I went in for one sports bra, a set of swim goggles and an ugly swim cap. I ended up with three sports bras, two pair of really cute pants, a new pair of cross-trainers, swim goggles and a cap - all for $50. The main problem being that I really should have used that $50 on other things. But I figure that if one is expected to go to the gym five times a week, one must look super-cute, n'est ce pas? Did I mention that I'm going to be SMOKIN' HOT???

Friday, January 21, 2005

Everything is A-OK

Everything went fine at the Radiologist. While the mammogram was uncomfortable, I can not understand why some women freak out and call them painful. I really had it in my head that it was going to HURT. It is weird having your breasts squished down by this tray - but certainly no more painful than labor. After the radiologist looked at the films, he decided that "the girls" looked normal, but they did an ultrasound as well, just to be safe. The u/s tech was joking that women in their 20's and 30's have lots of glandular tissue in their breasts and that's why they didn't recommend mammograms for women until they're 40. She determined that my lump was just lumpy glandular breast tissue - all completely normal for a 32 (oh the horror of being 32 now....) year old woman who has child(ren). So, I've been given a clean set of breasts.

I do have a bacterial infection in the hoo-ha. Wednesday night I went to get my prescription filled and the pharmacist takes the opportunity to tell anyone within a five mile range that my doctor "ordered the LARGE tube". It took all my self-control not to yell back it him "Yessiree pharmacist. My doc did order the LARGE tube of VAGINA MEDICINE. I must have some serious funk going on down there." Really, I don't normally get embarrassed by being a woman. I can talk about my vagina, buy tampons and pads, talk about fertile cervical mucus and the like without being embarrassed...I think he just really got me with the whole "LARGE tube" comment. Why don't men think before they speak about such things. I mean really, what if he was waiting on a certain prescription for a little blue pill to be filled (you know the kind that makes your wife stop banging the gardener) and the pharmacist announced loudly "Wow, I've never seen a doctor prescribe SOOOO many of these before."

I'm really freaked out this morning

In just over one hour I go for my mammogram. Even though in my head I know that it's probably nothing and just precautionary - I still can't help but freak out that it MIGHT be cancer. If there wasn't a possibility that it was, they wouldn't have sent me for the mammogram. Sorry for the freak-out, I'll post more from work if I can.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

A shout out to my homies in Wyoming

I miss you all. I really do. I was thinking about it yesterday and I actually kind of miss living in Wyoming. (I'm sure this thought will pass quickly) I suppose I miss all of my compatriots the most - so here's a shout out - cause I miss you all!

Ashlei - I hope that things are settling down for you. I hope that you find some peace and make it out of the state for school. Remember - if you ever want to go to school in Colorado, my offer is still open.

Travis and Beka - I sincerely wish for you that the newlywed glow is still glowing for the two of you. I know that if any marriage has a shot in hell of lasting forever, that it's yours. Also - your offer to come to Colorado still stands as well.

Stefany - I think I miss you the most, but don't tell the others. Please give your darling husband and beautiful daughters a big hug from KC. Maybe we can all meet up for a week this summer in Glendo or Guernsey?

Sonja - I hope that you're getting the help that you need to take care of all of your grandbabies. I think about you often and how much you struggle everyday to make everything easy for everyone but yourself. I know that the Lord has a special place in His heart for you. I miss talking to you every day, I wish there was a way to pick you up and bring you down here with me.

Heidi - I miss you giving my husband hell every day when I wasn't there in person to do it. I also miss being crazy with you in Deadwood. I hope that we can get up there soon for a visit.

Much love to everyone in Wyoming. I do miss you all and wish that I could be there! But not enough to move back to that windy hell-hole ;)

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Thank you honey.

It's not often that I give you credit. It's more likely that I'm on your case about something. Today, I want to simply say thank you.

It's been a long, hard road for us lately. Actually it's always been a long, hard road for us. It's never been easy and I can only hope that our "fresh start" will be just what we needed to not have to fight so hard for it.

I know that I've been a mess at home lately. I don't know if I'm headed for a depression or if I've just got a touch of the winters blues. I promise you that I will keep an eye on things and that if it gets bad I will go back to the Zoloft (or it's generic equivalent which is covered by my superfantastic HMO). I'm not going to let you off the hook for all of your issues either - and you know what I'm talking about. BUT...I have to tell you that I appreciate your willingness to cook tofu for me (even putting it in the grocery basket was a victory for our marriage), eat salad with me, cooking the small steak for 30 more seconds...

I want things to work very badly. I know you do to. As long as you are honest with me and I with you - I think that it will.

When I think about growing older, you're always with me. On my way to work yesterday, they were playing Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic" and I couldn't help but smile - picturing the two of us dancing. I know that we have so many road trips and other adventures in our future - and I'm looking forward to them.

So simply, thank you. It was a very difficult step that you took to save our marriage and I know that it hasn't been easy on you. You should know how much I appreciate it - and I do.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I'm a work pooper too (and I'm going to use that power for good - not evil)

When I first read this post on Dooce , I thought to myself - wow - I have a title now. I'm a work pooper.

Then I have been reading and hearing about
the protests planned for W's inauguration and I started thinking to myself, "Hey - I have an even better idea".

In protest of the inauguration of W - let's all be work poopers at the exact same time he is being sworn in for his second term. What better way to let the president know how much we think of him and how much we care?

More Irrational Mother Fears - for your viewing pleasure

Just after Christmas, we bought our son a loft bed. I'm sure you see what's coming next.

Irrational Mom Fear #820: My son falling or jumping out of his loft bed.

But wait - there's more related to the loft bed.

Irrational Mom Fear #8,456,015: The people who live upstairs from us will stomp SO hard on the floor that the ceiling will come crashing down - right onto my sleeping angel in his new loft bed.


Irrational Mom Fear #8,456,016: The people who live upstairs from us will have a waterbed and it will explode - sending all of that water downstairs into my son's room and thus drowning him - in his new loft bed.

I seriously don't know how I manage to sleep at night.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Damn, if I didn't know for sure how babies are made...

....I'd swear that I was pregnant. (and no - there is noo possible way that I'm pregnant, unless I've been picked as the vessel for the second coming - which I highly doubt)

Last week - I spent the morning drives into work bawling for that poor guy in La Conchita, CA who was digging with his HANDS to get to his wife and daughters. The week before I was crying for the tsunami victims - which in and of itself is not a bad thing. The problem is - I've told me husband that I think our son ought to come sleep with us again - just in case of a tsunami or mudslide. I've actually started thinking about keeping a shovel or pickax under my bed so that in case of said mudslide - I can hack my way into his room in a jiffy. I've also considered making him wear a life jacket to bed (mind you now - we live in Colorado - we're about as likely to get a tsunami at our house as I am to bear the son of God).

This weekend- I spent the better part of the weekend feeling sorry for myself for getting older and fatter - and therefore drowned my tears in Italian food, chocolate and fries. I was supposed to be back on the diet today - but there are Godiva chocolates here at work. I've already eaten half a box.

Today - I had to stop myself from bawling over the little boy who was taken away from his adoptive parents to be returned to his birth mother. I can't imagine someone taking away my's truly heartbreaking to me on so many levels. I feel sad for everyone involved, but I think the birth mother is a horrible person for taking this boy away from the only parents he's ever known. Don't you think as a mother - you'd want to do what's best for your child???? Which brings me to irrational fear for my son #1,332,987 - that someday, someone is going to figure out that two idiots like my husband and I could never have produced such beautiful offspring and will come to take him away from us and bring us our real child - Cletus.

So hopefully my hormonal roller coaster will come to a nice safe stop here real soon. If it doesn't the man upstairs and I will be having a talk about this baby of his....

I don't want to get Dooced but...

....I just have to vent that there is this one woman with whom I work who spends all freakin' day on either the phone or email barking at people with respects to her daughters soccer team.

I'm thinking that if you need to spend that much time at it - then make that your job. And quit piling all of the shit work onto me. Oh yeah - and quit being so phony nice - it's obvious to me that you'd sell me down the river if you thought you could - so don't be nice to my face. I'm not an idiot.

At least she doesn't talk with her hands or order Prada online :)

Sunday, January 16, 2005

End of Week Two - Stats

Starting Weight: 191
Last Week's Weight: 185
Current Weight: 191
Goal Weight: 130
Loss for this week: +6 pounds
Total Loss: 0 pounds

I only have 100% to go! (That's seriously depressing) Can we just say that I celebrated my birthday with a little too much food? The entire bread basket at Maggianos? The appetizers and dessert at Applebees? The extra large fries at Steak Escape? Oh yes, and the regular Coke and caramel corn this evening? Add to that the fact that I didn't exercise at all this week - well, that explains the 6 pounds gained back, doesn't it?

I weighed in today for the Discovery Channel Health Challenge. I signed up mainly for the 8 week Bally's membership. My doctor recommended the South Beach diet - so I will be starting that tomorrow. I hope when I put my stats up for next week that there is a loss again.

Today Sucks

I met my best girlfriend(of the "I gave you the nickname Kelito" fame) and her daughter today for a little birthday shopping. I should have had a great day. I didn't. I so didn't.

First of all, the next time someone tells you they're getting married for love - PLEASE tell them it's a bad idea. Love doesn't buy Prada now, does it? Hell, love can't even buy Anne Klein.

Secondly, the money spent on daycare can buy a shitload of really cute shoes and a nice handbag. Every month!

Thirdly, (is that even a word?) never go shopping with your really, really thin friend and her equally thin teenaged daughter when you yourself are having serious body image issues. It's just a really bad idea. The ladies in Ann Taylor know that your fat ass isn't going to squeeze into their clothes, but they'll humor you anyway. The problem is that you know that they know that you know that they're humoring you.

Fourthly, (again...unsure if this is a word) it is kind of sad when you realize that you have very little in common with any of your old friends. I'm into diaper duty, Elmo viewing and my world revolves around one 2 year old boy. I'm sure that Laurie felt that way when she had a 2 year old daughter and all of her other friends were going off to college or living out of a VW bus following Phish around. I know that as my son gets older and more independent life is going to regain some of its normalcy for me. I know that as fact, since in the last few months I've noticed that I have a lot more desire to focus on my needs than I have since I peed on that little stick almost four years ago.

So anyway, I actually left the mall so depressed that once my son fell asleep in the car on the way home I started crying and I'm still crying off and on. The pathetic thing is that I don't know why.

Do you think....

that I would get in trouble at work if I downloaded the "Bitch, Answer My Phone!" ringtone onto my work provided cell phone?

RIP Donkey Hamster......

Even after all of the ass washings, our little Donkey Hamster didn't make it. In about 30 minutes my son will wake up and Mommy and Daddy are going to have to explain death to him. At least it didn't happen on my birthday.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Happy 29th Birthday to me!

I'm 29 - again, for the fourth time today!

My sister drove up from Colorado Springs and we went downtown and had lunch at Maggiano's and browsed the Tattered Cover as long as my precious, sweet two year old would let us. It was soo much fun. My sweet husband is taking me out to dinner tonight and I may try to talk him into a movie as well.

Oh yeah, I also got to wash a hamster's ass this afternoon. It really doesn't get any better than this.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Hamster Ass

Donkey has wet tail. I get to spend my birthday weekend forcing eyedropperful's of water and washing a hamster's ass.

Does it get any better than this?

Welcome to the world....

My cousin had her son last night at just past midnight. He was a healthy 8 pound baby and has some red/blonde hair. I haven't seen a picture of him yet - but I'm sure that he's just adorable.

BTW - I have to tell my cousin that she's a bitch. She went to the hospital at 9:00 PM and by 12:30 AM had a baby in her arms. I on the other hand labored for 19 hours (with pitocin...) before they decided that I wasn't progressing and that my son wasn't tolerating labor. I was in the OR for a c-section within 5 minutes of the decision to have the cesarean. Damn bitches and their damn easy labors. She probably only pushed twice, too....

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Got my test results back.

And the news is mostly good. My cholesterol was 157 (HDL 45 and LDL 90) and my triglycerides were 111. My coronary risk ratio is 3.5 -------> all very good.

But I'm still freaking out. I have to get a mammogram. Women in their early thirties are not supposed to have mammograms. Last year, while we were living in Wyoming I found a lump in my breast. The doctor there said it was nothing to worry about and to let her know if it got bigger. Well, I had my new doctor here in Littleton check it out and she said while she thinks it is a cyst, it is better to err on the side of caution and get the mammogram. I'm supposed to call tomorrow and schedule it.

She also thinks that the mole in my face requires a dermatologist. She is concerned since it is asymmetrical, different colors and is larger than a pencil eraser. So, there is also the possibility that it is skin cancer.

So anyway - even after all of my good news, I'm still really freaked out.

In even better news than my great test results - I think my cousin is in labor. I last talked to her around 5:00 our time and her contractions were six minutes apart. I tried to call her at 7:30 our time and she wasn't answering the phone. I hope that means that they are at the hospital and William will be here soon!

Fo' Shizzle, My Nizzle

I'm not sure I've laughed this hard in a long time. But you have to check this out. You can run any URL through it. I think it defaults to CNN, but my page is damn hilarious as well.

Have fun, Yo!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Do you want to make more money?

Sure, we all do!

Next time you find yourself upset at your income situation check out this linky. This will make you feel much better (and a little guilty) about the money you do have. At least it did me.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

How I got my name

I'm sure many of my devoted readers (OK, my Mom) are wondering how I ended up with my name. Well, let me tell you....

Kelito is my nickname from my best girl friend from high school. I don't have the slightest clue how she decided that this would be a fitting nickname. I think it was because it rhymed with Enchirito, which as any Taco Bell enthusiast can tell you, is delicious! So apparently, I'm delicious. Or at least was a delicious 17 year old - according to my equally delicious friend. It's funny too, because I don't have a nickname for her - I just call her Laurie.

Now, as for the pasty and white comment. I took a job several years ago working for a 50 year old woman who was in serious denial that she was 50 years old. You know the type, they take laxatives to stay thin, shop in the juniors department, dye their hair just awful colors (to hide the grey, because jet black is WAY better than grey) and tan themselves into oblivion. Well one day, she comes back from a doctors appointment with a huge bandage across her face. It turns out that she had some skin cancer removed. I am from one of those families who freak out at the mere mention of "CANCER", so I was quite concerned for her. Skin cancer is a particular concern of mine, since we have a family history and I am indeed, quite pale. Two weeks later the bandage was gone from the face and she was scurrying out the door... to.go.tanning! Tanning???? WHAT??? Here's the conversation that follows:

Me: "You realize that you've just had SKIN CANCER removed, don't you? And you're going back to the tanning booth?"

Her: "Um, yeah. I'd rather be dead, than pasty and white like you."

So there you have it folks. Perhaps one of the single most insulting things that anyone has ever said to me. And perhaps one of the most ignorant as well.

Monday, January 10, 2005

May I introduce...Donkey!

This is the latest addition to our family. It was either a hamster or a turtle. My son got to name her. Since we are slightly Shrek-obsessed in our house - her name is Donkey. I tried to at least talk him into naming her Fiona - but no, it had to be Donkey - because "Mommy, you're Fiona and I'm Shrek". Do I need to worry yet?

And I thought that I would be a good stay at home mom.......

You are a Career Girl!

You may not be a CEO yet, but you're well on your way to success.
You take your career seriously, and you wouldn't stop working for any guy!
An independent woman, you pay for your own car, clothes, and housing.
And men appreciate that - at least, the ones as driven as you are.

What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Sunday, January 09, 2005

End of Week One - Stats

Starting Weight: 191
Current Weight: 185
Goal Weight: 130
Loss for this week: 6 pounds
Total Loss: 6 pounds

I only have 90% to go! (That's seriously depressing)

Thank you strangers for all the wonderful unsolicited parenting advice.

It starts when you're pregnant. Perfect strangers come up to you at the grocery store and touch your belly. Clerks at the mall ask you when you're due. Co-workers want to know if there's more than one in there, I mean there has to be -because you're huge, you know. You are having natural labor, aren't you?

Then the child is born and all hell breaks loose on the unsolicited advice front. Is that formula you're feeding your sweet baby?? My God, don't you know that breastfed babies are healthier, smarter and more sexually desirable as adults? If you pick him up every time he cries, you're going to spoil him. Once you let him sleep in your bed once, you'll never get him to sleep in his own bed again.

And I could handle this unsolicited advice and usually could ignore it. I mean, these people didn't live in our house. They didn't know our situation and the intricate nuances that made our family click.

But lately, the unsolicited advice has been grating. Maybe it's because my son is going through the terrible twos and I find his behavior both frustrating and annoying. I don't want him to behave badly either, but he is two and he doesn't listen to us. I keep hoping it's a phase. Please God, let it be a phase.

So here's a big FUCK YOU to the two most recent offenders and a big THANK YOU to those who either smile and nod with solidarity or just keep their mouths shut.

FUCK YOU - to the bitch at Hobby Lobby. I was in line, my son was having a meltdown and I had him literally flung up over my shoulder. All I wanted to do was pay for my gift bag and stamp pad and get the hell out of there. There was a lady with a six or seven month old baby in a travel system paying at the register. The man in between us looked at my son and me and smiled with the "I've been there" look and turned to the lady paying and said "See what you have to look forward to?" and the bitch says to him, while looking at me "My child will never behave that way in public." All I could do was laugh at her and think to myself - that's what I used to think too, bitch. My son was an angel baby too.

FUCK YOU - to the fat, white trash family at IHOP who seemed to think that it was beyond belief that one two year old boy could say "Mine" so many times in two minutes. And who had to publicly make the comment that they were so glad their FIVE year old was so much better behaved than our little heathen. Well, people, if my son is still an asshole at FIVE - then I'm sure by then I'll be committed or in jail. And just for the record, even though I'm hopelessly unfashionable, I at least know that matching and personalized Mickey Mouse hoodies are not cool.

I feel better now.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

The status of my healthy resolution - Day 8

I was bad last night. We were going to go to Souper Salad for dinner - but the place was PACKED and I think that buffets and salad bars are nasty when they are full. So we went to Panera Bread, which in and of itself isn't so bad - but I had a 1/2 chicken sandwich on rosemary (aka - white) bread with mayo. I did have a half salad to try and make up for the cheat on the bread....but I probably should have tried to be better. I also did not go work out last night. We ate at Panera Bread at the mall, so we decided to walk around the mall for a while. I ended up buying a poncho (my first, and yes I know I'm behind the trend - always the last to know - that's me) and turtleneck on clearance at Casual Corner and then two new winter hats and a scarf at the Gap (which match no coat I own - now I need a new coat). By the time we got home, it was late and I just went to bed.

I did wake up early this morning and hit the treadmill. I did 45 minutes of the aerobic #2 setting at 2.5 - 3.5 MPH. I think I will go later tonight and do some weight training.

I am having a really hard time not eating today. It's easy to not graze all day when I'm at work. I'm busy and I don't have the fridge looming over me the way I do at home. I'm trying to be good - but there are ice cream sandwiches in the freezer...

Friday, January 07, 2005

People actually read this shit!!!

I logged in from work today and I realized that I had comments!! I was so freakin' excited. I didn't think that anyone was actually going to read this!

So thank you Melissa and StagedSeven! For Caring about my blog enough to not only read it, but make a comment on it! You rock!

I don't want to be *that* lady

I was talking to my cousin today, who is set to have a baby any second now. She was expressing dismay over how much weight she has gained during her pregnancy. I am one to never criticize a woman for her weight - especially during pregnancy - so I offered her my thought that she looked great in the last picture I saw of her. She then revealed that her weight gain put her at the same weight that I am now. Obviously, I need to lose some weight.

I was telling her that my impetus for this sudden "need to be healthy" was our grandmother. I love my grandmother dearly - she is 83 and sharp as a tack mentally. She is also easily 100 pounds overweight. She has had an elbow replaced, needs a knee replacement, has terrible arthritis and can not walk more than 100 feet at a time. Considering our family genetic make-up, she will very likely be with us for another 10-15 years. Which means that I am very likely to live to see my 100th birthday. I understand that as you age, there are going to be physical problems. I already notice that my body doesn't "act" the same way at 31 that it did at 21, but I at least want to be able to walk around the grocery store without having to take a rest at age 80.

So there it is - I put it out there. *that* lady is my grandmother and I don't want to physically end up like her. I also don't want to have blinders toward my son the way she does toward my uncle. I love my uncle, don't get me wrong....but he is an alcoholic with asshole tendencies that she just doesn't see. If my kid turns out to be an asshole - I at least want to acknowledge it, however much it will poorly reflect my mothering.

Mom Guilt

Some days I find it excruciatingly difficult to leave the house when I have to say goodbye to the sweetest little boy in the world.

Why can't he be sleeping all the time?

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Alias keeps my husband cold

So last night, I did my workout during Lost. (And I did well too - 35 minutes of the aerobic conditioning #2, which has more hills) I got home just in time for the start of Alias. Since it was a two hour episode, I decided halfway through to go ahead and crawl into bed. Around 9:30 my husband starts telling me about how cold he is out in the computer room/dining room. So I tell him to come to bed, he can snuggle with me and I'll make him warm ;) His response was: Yes, that would be true, but then I'd have to watch that crap on TV. I'd rather stay cold.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Feeling Guilty

Not that I don't feel guilty about something every day....

But today I am feeling guilty, because when the alarm went off at 5:00 AM, there was no possible way I was dragging my ass out of bed into the freezing cold to go down to the fitness center and work out. I managed to do it Tuesday morning. Why not today? The alarm went off, I knew I should get up and work out, I knew that really soon I was going to have to get up and let the dog out anyway. BUT I JUST COULDN'T DO IT.

It's not the end of the world. I can go work out tonight. In fact - I can go work out tonight and watch the season premiere of Alias without having to listen to my husband complain that A) I'm watching TV and ignoring him, B) the show is stupid and C) there's no reality in that stupid show. (Duh, honey - it's TV. There's not even reality on reality TV)

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Just Do It

All my life, I've had this problem with not being able to follow through with (or actually get off my butt and do) things. Even as a child, this was problematic for me. I would want something or to be something, but I was lax in the follow-through.

I can only remember two times in my life when I actually had the conscious thought to change something about my life and then actually do it.

The first time, I think I was 21 or 22. I had been hanging out with the same group of friends since high school. I even dropped out of college because the distance between me and these friends was too great. But the thing is - they were not good people. I suppose a few of them were fine, but as a whole - not good people. It was a gossipy, stab-you-in-the-back, sleep with your boyfriend type of crowd and honestly - it was not a healthy situation for me. So, one day, I'm on the couch watching Road Rules (the first season) and all of the sudden it hits me.

I think Kit is the greatest person on the face of the planet. She is a great big bundle of cute southern fun and she's getting nekkid at the nudist place and she's making out with boys she's just met and I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HER.

So that very night, I called a co-worker with whom I was casually acquainted, and we went to a club where I didn't know ANYONE. It was so liberating. We drank and danced and gave out our "digits" and I never knew that life was supposed to be like this. I never, ever hung out with that group of high school friends again and had a really, really, great time in my twenties.

The second time was when I left my husband. Long story short - I realized that I had been unhappy for a very long time and he wasn't going to change. Things got a little scary one morning and I packed my son, my dog and a duffel bag with one change of clothes in it and I left him. I drove six hours home to my Grandma's house. I filed for divorce over the phone the next morning. Two weeks later, my Mom and I drove back to my house when I knew my husband would be gone and filled my car with as much of my son's and my belongings as humanly possible. Two days later my husband called me to tell me he was going to quit drinking and make it work. Three months later we moved in together again. I don't know if it's going to work. There are still things that really annoy me about him, and well, let's face it - I'm perfect. (I'm totally kidding about being perfect. As you'll soon find out - I'm obviously not)

Here's my point. In my twenties I was strong. I had a good career going. I was beginning to find my own way in the world. I was FUN. I didn't weigh close to 200 pounds and I didn't get pissed off when the kitchen was dirty. I didn't feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I used to work really hard and play even harder - not surf the internet all day and try not to get caught, only to come home and watch TV all night after my son goes to bed.

I'm looking for motivation and instead finding reasons why my life is not turning out the way I thought it should. I am seeing examples of people's lives that I envy - BADLY. I'm having a really hard time looking at my own life and seeing that it's at least decent (ie - my son is great, I have a job, I have a roof over my head, my husband quit drinking and is trying, really trying, to make our marriage work) and I'm only seeing the faults (um, can I tell you again how fat I am?).

I keep thinking it's time to wake up and do something to fix what's wrong. My problem is - I can't pinpoint what's wrong and therefore - can't fix it.

More Children....

Does it make me a bad person to want to lose some weight and get my son somewhat independent before having another child?

Monday, January 03, 2005

The very first entry....EVER

This is it. This is going to start it all. I'm going to actually start a blog. I'm only about three years behind the trend.

So, I'm starting the new year with a lot of goals. I'm going to get healthy. I usually vow to quit smoking, lose weight, etc., etc. This year I've decided to get healthy. Which encompasses a lot of different goals. I did quit smoking - it was my Christmas present to myself. I am going on a diet and I did start exercising. I'm going to somewhat use this blog to hold myself accountable, because the internet will hold me accountable. I am also going to get mentally healthy this year. My insurance covers some mental health treatment and I'm going to use it. I owe it to my son (and myself) to ensure that I am healthy for a long time to come.

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