Wednesday, July 27, 2005

You'll never regret having another one

So, I um thought I might be pregnant this weekend. I was late and my boobs hurt like they haven't hurt in about four years.

Y'all know that I have been saying for a long time that I only want one. That I'm completely satisfied with the current size of my family. That it's hard to improve on perfection. That I'm really happy that we'll be able to provide better for our son.

Well, when Aunt Flo finally showed her face Sunday night, I was hysterical. The thing is that it's not like we're trying, this would have been a complete surprise.

I guess I should clarify here. Over the weekend I realized that I desperately want another child. I know that we can't have one, because we can't afford it.

Then I think to myself, well hell. People have all sorts of children that they can't afford and they figure out a way to make it work. But a baby would seriously put our family into even more dire straights financially. And I'm not talking about just giving up the morning latte or new shoes. I'm talking about having to eat ramen noodles for weeks on end and living in the ghetto in a small apartment.

I want to know how people afford it. I make a good living, but still. There is no way that we could afford an extra $1,000/month on infant daycare, let alone diapers, formula and all the rest that comes with a baby.

I'm depressed about it, if you can't tell. I really wish that my period had never been late, that I'd never even "gone there" so that I could continue to live happily knowing that my family is complete, rather than sitting here contemplating what someone said to me one time. "You'll never regret having another child, but you may very well regret not having another one"


At 7/27/2005 09:12:00 AM, Blogger Girl From Ipanema said...

:( this post made me sad for you! i do not have children, but I desperately want some one day. YOU actually know what it's like to have carried a child, birthed a child, raised a your "want" must have been THAT much more :(

I hope for a Miracle for you...and that we all win the lottery ;)

At 7/27/2005 10:23:00 AM, Blogger Romani Heart said...

People usually want to slap me when I say this but.. everything happens for a reason. My spin on this is that you were "late" to cause you to consider the possibility of having another child. Now isn't the time, but now that you've already given it some thought, when the time comes, the idea won't be foreign to you. This concludes Romani's words of wisdom for the day :)

At 7/27/2005 05:05:00 PM, Blogger butterstar said...

I've been there, dear. More than once I've thought I was pregnant and talked myself into really wanting to have another baby, and then, nada. I was always so disappointed, even though I really didn't want more kids. Though before things fell apart with the hubs, he did agree that we could maybe have another if we ever got it together financially, if Idecided I wanted another for sure. Sigh.

Our secret was credit cards. Without em, I can't imagine how we'd afford a baby. Though it wouldn't be so bad for me since I wouldn't have the daycare expense, and still have virtually all of the girls' old baby things in storage. I guess there's always selling stuff on ebay.

I hope it works out for you, whatever happens. If you really want another, maybe you could start planning for it happening at some point in the future so it's not such a downer now? Dunno. Hugs, though. :)

At 7/27/2005 06:22:00 PM, Blogger kimmyk said...

I always wanted another baby, then I thought about the life it would have. Sure it would have more love than it knew what to do with, but...ya can't very well bring a child into the world and raise it purely on love.
I'm sorry ya were sad/happy/sad all in one moment.
When my son was 4 months old I found out I was pregnant again-we cut back everything. Cable, eating out, movies, family stepped up and helped with daycare-we found a way to cut back. And yep, we ate Ramen noodles and mac and cheese a few too many nights a week, BUT it worked out ok. As I'm sure it would for you. (should the happy(?) event happen.)

At 7/28/2005 07:32:00 AM, Blogger little sister said...

awe, kc...I feel bad for you. particularly after posting the great news about mi hija. There were two reasons I didn't have another child. The one I tell people is she was perfect and I was afraid I'd actually have to do the work mothers usually do, so I didn't have another and will probably fry in hell for trying to cheat God or something. The one I usually don't tell people is her father was a total ass when I was pregnant and after mi hija was born. If you don't have a reason like that not to have another, then eventually you'll have the means to do it again.

At 7/28/2005 07:37:00 AM, Blogger little sister said...

oops - I hit publish before finishing.

Anyway, keep your chin up and keep up the desire to be fiscally responsible. Another thing mi hija's father did was spend $$ on himself without considering my daughter's needs - let alone mine. He had golf clubs and teed off 2-3 times a week in the summer, but he got pissed off when I wanted to get sandals at K-Mart for mi hija and me.

Thanks for letting me rant. You're doing the right thing by waiting, but I'm sorry you were ultimately disappointed this weekend. ((((kc)))) Hang in there, kiddo...if I find a get-rich scheme that works, you be the first to know :)

At 7/28/2005 08:00:00 AM, Blogger KC said...

Thanks for listening to me rant.
Really. All of you.

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