Oh Crap

I hurt someone yesterday. Someone that I really love.

It was inevitable that I hurt them, I just really didn't want it to happen the way it did.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you found out that way. I'm sorry that I didn't feel like I could talk to you about it. I just wasn't 'there' yet. I'm sorry that things may not work out the way we would have liked them to. I'm sorry for it all, but I'm not sorry for how I feel and I can't change the way I feel.

In other words, KC's already bad week has become KC's even worse week.

It's Friday and I'm going to have a 3 day weekend!

During which I am not going to think about work. Not even for a minute. The past two weeks have been so busy and crazy that I am going home completely exhausted. You know the kind of exhausted that precludes you from being able to fall asleep? Yeah, it's that kind. I lie down in bed so utterly tired that I could probably go comatose....and then....nothing. I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes and then...BOOOM! I'm wide awake again. Repeat this process about twenty times and eventually I fall asleep.

Tomorrow, my mom and sister are coming up to visit and we're going to the zoo. My son is SO excited and he can't wait to take Moomoo and Aunt Isa to see his favorite animals. I think this week they are the sea lions and the gorillas (there is a baby gorilla at the zoo). I'm looking forward to a nice day with "the girls" and our boy.

I was thinking about trying to get up to the mountains sometime this weekend too, but with husband still unemployed, I'm thinking now that we'd better not. Oh well, we can always go to the park and pretend, right?

A funny from my son on the way to work/daycare this morning:

"Mommy, I can't go to work this morning" (BTW, he is now calling day care 'work', as in, he goes to work during the day too)

"Why can't you go to work this morning?"

"Because Swiper swiped my school"

Am I The Only One?

Please, tell me I'm not crazy. Am I the only one who, when presented with a large portrait that is "clickable" on the internet, will try and 'pick the nose' of the person in the picture with the little pointy-finger hand icon? Because I will sit and do it all day long, most recently with a picture of Laura Bush.

Blahgging Today

KC - Still blah.


Husband - Still unemployed.


Son - Not as impressed with new daycare today as he was yesterday.


I think I need to clear up some misinformation about me - the fabulous KC. I am never, ever, ever going to be a Raiders fan. I would rather go on Fear Factor and eat bugs than be a Chiefs fan. Let's just say that I know who God is rooting for - otherwise sunsets wouldn't be ORANGE and BLUE.

Feeling Blah

I'm feeling really blah. I'm not going to bore people to tears with my sob stories on why my life is so much more stressful than yours, but I have to admit the creative juices - they aren't-a-flowin'.

So today, I will entertain with a story of my son from last week.

9:00 PM - Son enters my bedroom (where I am lying down trying to get rid of a headache) SCREAMING his fucking head off about how Daddy did "something".

9:03 PM - Son finally calms down and shows me Daddy's car keys in his hand.
Son informs me that Daddy won't let him outside. When asked why he wants to go outside, he tells me that he "NEEDS" to drive to see Aunt Lisa.

9:04 PM - A heated discussion ensues about Colorado Motor Vehicle Operation Law and how he is just too darn young to get a drivers license which is a necessary requirement in order to operate a motor vehicle.

9:05 PM - We settle on calling Aunt Lisa. No, wait. Moomoo (what he calls my mom) first.

9:06 PM - We call Moomoo. The settled down tears are coming out again. He bemoans the fact that he's "Too wittle. Tooooo wittle to dwive" "Why Moomoo - why am I too wittle?"

9:08 PM - Between Mommy and Moomoo, we're calm enough to call Aunt Lisa. I hear the muffled sobs coming up again and within 2.5 seconds we are wailing again, "Aunt Issssa. I want my Aunt Issa. Why am I too wittle to dwive Aunt Issa. I love you and I need you Aunt Issa."

9:15 PM - We're going to sleep. Hopefully, the nights events solved and calmed down.

6:45 AM - the following day - I see a flash of white legs run past my bedroom and down the hallway. As I catch up with the white flash I notice Son is hiding something behind his back. I wrestle it out of his hands and he has gone through my purse, to find my wallet, to steal my DRIVERS LICENSE!!

6:50 AM - Son tells me that it's his drivers license and he's going to see Aunt Lisa.

7:00 AM - I leave for work leaving a SCREAMING three year old for Daddy to deal with.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled BLAHing.

Wrestling Cattle and The Family Farm

My husband can wrestle cattle. His step-sister and her husband are part owners of a cattle ranch about 40 miles outside the little town he lived in during high school. From what he tells me, he used to spend a lot of time out there.

I have to be honest, I don't "get" the appeal of the ranching life. I'll admit that going to the ranch is fun. I love to be out there in the late afternoon, watching the sun set over thousands of acres of ranching land. I love to see my son running around after the cows yelling "Here cow! Here Cow!". I really love watching my niece and nephews ride, rope and other ranch-ly activities. I like to sit down with my step-brother in law and have him explain the business side of ranching to me. Some of the things that he's taught me, I've been able to apply in "real" business. (You know, business in a city. Where things happen. Where a symphony plays at least twice a year. Where there is art and culture and parks and diversity. But I digress).

I watch their family struggle with ranching. Mad cow disease is a terrifying threat to them, while it is a random thought to most of us. There are other diseases that if cattle catch, it could put them out of business. It's a difficult "lifestyle". All of them are awake before the crack of dawn. BIL goes out and starts the ranch chores, while SIL and the kids get ready for their hour + drive into town for school and SIL's job in town. BIL works hard all hours of the day and during calving season well into the night as well. SIL and the kids get home after dark most nights and then try and get homework done, dinner on the table and their ranch chores completed. This is a seven day a week operation. They rarely leave the ranch for more than 10-12 hours at a time. I'm not sure if they've ever been on a real vacation.

They live in a small single wide mobile home in the middle of nowhere. It's HOT in the summertime and COLD in the winter. There isn't enough room for BIL, SIL, a teenage girl and two rowdy boys - but it's what they've got. If their power goes out, it could be days before it would get restored - same with their phone. They heat and cook with propane, so they have to be very careful with what the level is on their propane tank. If there's a blizzard and the propane truck can't get to them to refill, they'll freeze. My SIL has had calves in her HOUSE if there is a particularly cold storm before they're old enough to stand the elements.

The price of beef has been very low for the last several years. Once a year, they take all the cattle but the breeding stock to auction. This is their main paycheck for the YEAR. My SIL's job in town provides just enough for the extras for the kids. I heard from my other SIL that it looks as if they are going to have to sell off ALL the cattle this year, including the breeding stock. It looks like they may lose the ranch this year.

Even with all of the hardships that they endure out there, they're happy. They wouldn't have it any other way. A few years ago a railroad proposed coming through the ranching area where they ranch to deliver coal from the mines just to the west of the ranch to Minneapolis. A lot of the ranchers could have made a lot of money on this deal, they fought it tooth and nail. They didn't want to sell their souls for a few extra bucks. How many of us can say that we have that much integrity? I mean, shit, if someone offered me fifty bucks for my husband - I'd let him go ;)

I watch in amazement as my 10 and 8 year old nephews tell me how they helped Dad deliver a calf. My 14 year old niece DRIVES the family truck around the ranch to help feed or mend fences. They are smart, beautiful children who excel in school but are wise beyond their years in the ways of the world.

Our independent farms and ranches are disappearing, being replaced by huge conglomerates who are pushing the costs down for us, the consumer, but making it impossible for the family farms to compete. It may only be a generation or two down the line where a child is going to ask "Mommy, what was a farm?". While I understand that progress is going to happen and with that progress certain jobs will be eliminated - I just know that it is going to be very sad for my BIL and SIL to have to leave behind the way of life that they choose. I hope for their sake that they can make it through another generation or two before they have to make that decision.



PS - If you click on the link, you may see some people who I know VERY well. Start at the beginning of the article, it's actually very interesting and has a lot of good information about the region that my husband grew up in.

A little prayer

Oh great and powerful god of the employment



please find a way to ensure that this guy



finds gainful employment in a short amount of time.

Please consider the following: (in bullet points, no less)

• He is the best spider killer on the planet. In fact, that's why I married him.
• He makes the best beef stew.
• He is a really good blackjack player.
• He can make a campfire from scratch.
• He can program the VCR.
• He can get rid of computer viruses....most of the time.
• He can hang drywall and paint. In addition to lay carpet, tile and sod. He can unclog as well.
• He can put together do-it-yourself furniture with a bare minimum of cursing.
• He kisses boo-boos and owies.
• He leaves the seat down.
• He doesn't hog the covers.
• He can do this belly roll thing which is utterly disgusting, yet compelling all at once.
• He can wrestle cattle.
• He can drive really, really, really big trucks.
• He can intelligently argue politics, as he is well read.

I know that there are so many more but I'm sure, god of the employment, that you don't need to hear anything more in order to determine that he should get a great job tomorrow with a company car, expense account, 6 figure salary and a maid. For our house.

Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

KC

Guess who had a busy weekend? No, really. Guess.

I got a pedicure. My son got a pedicure. My husband is now concerned for my son's blossoming (at age 3 - yeah - whatever) sexuality related to said pedicure. I personally don't see the problem in letting a 3 year old get his toes painted green. Really, I don't.

I had a trip to the zoo. My son had a trip to the zoo. We left early in the morning and got there right as they open. It was so nice to not be all hot and sunny. We stopped around 11:00 and had hot dogs by the sea lion exhibit and watched the "Feed the Sea Lions" show. Then I discovered that I can get over my irrational fear of snakes/lizards/green things for my son's sake. Although, that scene from the first Harry Potter book kept running through my head (You know - the one where Harry talks - in Parsletoungue - to the snake and then the glass disappears and the snake starts to attack Dudley) So I had to keep looking behind me for young wizard boys who appeared to be talking to themselves. I discovered that my son is terrified of bats and that he doesn't care much for Mama Goose's either. Especially those Mama Geese that are trying to be all protective of their goslings. My son and I both learned that male peacocks make a mating call that sounds like the mating call of a housecat. I wondered if there have been any "incidents" because of that. You know, a tabby kitten born with a beautiful, feathery tail? A peacock with whiskers and paws?

My husband quit his job. The fat ass loser that he works for and her WASPy "can't stand for anyone to know what they're doing, lest they figure out that I'm a moron" boss finally made me tell him that he needed to just go. I also suggested that he just quit. No notice. I'm telling you all this, because if he hasn't found a job in two weeks I'm going to be bitching about him quitting, and I'll need you all to remind me that it was my idea.

Oh.My.God.

My husband is unemployed. If he doesn't have another job lined up within two weeks - we are fucked. And not nicely. We'll be bending over and taking it. Without lube even.

*praying to the employment gods*

This time, something everyone can be proud of

We went out to dinner last night and my husbands meal came with corn on the cob.

My son asked "May I have your corn please?" so matter of factually that I almost hadn't realized what he had said until a few seconds later.

I looked incredulously at my husband and asked him "Did he just say what I think he said?" And my husband answered, (very non-chalantly, I might add) "He asked for my corn". I was like "Yeah, I know....but did he say MAY I have your corn please?" My husband again, looked at me like I was freaking out over nothing and said "Yeah, he did"

OH.MY.GOD. My son is going to have manners after all. I have been drilling "may I" into his head for months now, because I was tired of hearing "I need", "I want" and "Gimme" all the freaking time.

"May I have your corn please?" just may be the sweetest sentence anyone has muttered to me in years.

I got tagged too

I got tagged by Dashababy (Kathy). So here goes.

The rules are simple when you're tagged.
Choose 5 items from the list to write about.
Tag 3 other individuals when you're done.

If I could be a scientist, I would develop a cure for Alzheimers, cancer and AIDS. Then, in my spare time, I would find a way to make vegetables taste like Frozen Custard.

If I could be a farmer, I would grow vegetables that taste like frozen custard.

If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef

If I could be an architect, I would be like Frank Gehry and I would design way cool buildings like the Guggenheim in Bilbao, Spain or the Experience Music Project in Seattle. All my buildings would be eco-friendly, using energy saving materials, solar power where possible, etc. Since I would then be rich and famous from my very cool designs, I would then build low-income housing in areas that need it. NICE low income housing. Like someplace that I (being rich and famous) would love to live. Just because you're poor, doesn't mean you shouldn't have a decently built home.

If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama rider

If I could be a bonnie pirate, I would say "Arrrrrgggh. Ahoy there, me maties" and my son would laugh and laugh and laugh at me. I would not, however, have a pet dog named Wags who was smarter than me.

If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world

If I could be married to any current famous political figure it would be Bill Clinton. I know he's really, really sleazy and all. But let's all be honest. You know he's just got to be damn good in the sack.

OK, now it's my turn to tag Butterstar, Amy (Anybody's Guess) and Phoebe (The Life of Me).

Have fun all!

Does Dr Suess Brainwash?

Last night, my son and I sat down while I watched "Jersey Girl" (hubba, hubba, Affleck) and he drew on his Magnadoodle.

He tells me that he's going to draw a picture of his friend AJ. So he draws a circle with two dots for eyes, a dot for a nose and a half circle for a smile. He then draws this big sausage like body. So I think to myself - cool, he's never drawn anything more than lines and circles before. This actually resembles something.

So I ask him what's what. He drops the pen and says "That's AJ's eyes, that's AJ's mouth, that's AJ's nose" and then he picks the pen back up and starts drawing little short lines all over the sausage-body. I ask him what that is, fully expecting him to say a sweater or a shirt or something, but instead he tells me "That's AJ's fur"

Not wanting to stifle any creativity, I commend him for the fine job on AJ's fur, silently wondering if when AJ draws my son, if he draws him with fish scales? Then he looks up at me with beautiful brown eyes and says:

"Mommy, that's not AJ anymore. It's like a 'noceros"

I say "Oh, like a rhinoceros?"

And he says "No, Mommy, it's an AJ-noceros"

Watch out Dr Suess, my son's all over your creation of mythical creatures.

My Good Deed

While not as grandiose as Kristine volunteering at the senior center or Amy driving Sadie to school, I have found a good deed.

I was checking craigslist kids section the other day, because I'm looking for a sandbox for our new yard. There was a post from a family who needed a car seat and clothing for an eight month old boy. Seeing as how my son just graduated to a booster this past week, I was able to offer this lady his old, dirty (but cleanable and not stained) Alpha-Omega with the 5 point harness. I think I have several boxes of clothes that I can give her too. She'll be coming by my husband's work on Saturday to pick it up, hopefully I'll be able to go through some of the toys that my son has outgrown and pass those on as well.

I guess, it's really not that much of a big deal to pass on some clothing, a car seat and maybe some toys to someone. It's just that usually, I take them to the Goodwill and I don't know what happens to them after that.

After talking to this woman on the phone and hearing how grateful she sounded for these really small items that I take for granted I realized something. It doesn't matter how big your help is. It just matters that if you can help someone, that you do.

It's a good feeling.

I need a vacation ****UPDATED*****

So, moving sucked. I could go into particulars about it - but why bore you all with that?

Instead, I'm going to solicit advice. Our family needs a vacation. We've been through the shitter this last year and it's time for us to have some time, just the three of us, to relaz and regroup. This means that I want to go somewhere besides Colorado, Wyoming or South Dakota for vacation. Not that there's anything wrong with Colorado, Wyoming and South Dakota. They're beautiful places, full of fun and excitement...but I want a beach.

A real beach. With ocean that stinks like seaweed and saltwater. A warm beach with water that can be frolicked in without freezing a dangling body part off. A beach where it's possible to rent jet-ski's and body boards. A beach where my three year old is going to be able to build sand castles and collect sea shells.

But here's the catch. We're Po'. With a capital P - Po'. So this beach must either be in California or Texas (or anywhere else that's a two day driving distance from Denver). This beach must also have or be near (within 10 miles) a campground with showers. We like to tent camp. It seriously doesn't bother us to sleep in our tent, on the ground and stuff. We'll cook on our camp stove, so we don't necessarily need access to restuarants. The shower thing is the only non-negotiable I have. I must stay at a campground that has showers. Even if I have to wear flip-flops into the shower - it must have a shower. I will not go a week without one. A couple of days, maybe. A week - hell no.

I would like to go the last week in August (for our wedding anniversary) but we could carry over into September if need be.

I would also like an ocean that is shark and jellyfish free please. I'm terrified of jellyfish to the point of ridiculousness.

I just need to feel the sun on my face, the sand between my toes and hear the roar of the ocean as I frantically try to keep my son from running off too far. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Any suggestions?


UPDATE to show me on the beach, looking all relaxed and shit.


Thanks to Bucky who I found through Kristine, get yer own here

BLASTOFF

Today is moving day. I'm at work until noon, whereupon I'll meet my husband at the storage unit to help unload the rest of the "storage" stuff.

Then, we'll drop off the UHaul and go back to the old apartment to begin the process of packing the rest of the little stuff that didn't make it on the UHaul in the first place and cleaning.

I was up until almost 1:00 AM last night and I feel like I could keel over from lack of sleep at any moment.

I also had to give our two weeks notice at his current daycare. Right after the Director/Owner complimented me on my fashion savvy. That sucked. I feel really bad, because I've been very happy with his current situation - it's just now that we're moving, the location doesn't work anymore.

Wish us luck - I won't be around again until Monday. We won't have our internet connection hooked up at the new place until Monday - so I'll have to learn to cope over the weekend without blogging. (OH.MY.GOD. I just realized that I will have to go the whole weekend without reading blogs or posting....WTF am I going to do?)

T minus 2 days and counting

I've been trying really hard to keep everything at work super-caught up so that I won't have a mess to walk into Monday, after moving all weekend.

I don't know that it's working. And instead of busting ass and trying to get all this work done, where am I? On the freakin' computer working on my blog. 'Cause that's the smart thing to do.

T Minus 3 Days and Counting

I am seriously stressed out. My family is seriously stressed out. I think even the cats are stressed.

I went to check out a daycare close to my office this morning. I really liked it. It's in a Federal Building, so it's WAY secure. You have to be buzzed in by security, then go through a metal detector - then you go down the hallway to where the daycare is where you have a code to gain entrance to the center.

The center is way nice. The 3 year old room is VERY clean, has little toddler sized sinks to wash their hands in, little toddler sized toilets to potty on (and unlike his current center there are more than two little toilets in the room). Currently, there are two teachers in the room and only 9 kids (my son would make 10). How's that for a student-teacher ratio?

So I'm going to go ahead and move his daycare too. Starting the 23rd. I'm figuring that he's already stressed about the move to the new house, I might as well just add insult to injury - but get it all over with at the same time. Rather than settling into a new routine at the new house and then three weeks later changing it with the new daycare.

I have to be a glutton for punishment, there's no other way this would make sense.

This is special for Kristine

I don't like pictures of me. I always look so fat (which I am, but I somehow magically believe that I should look like a size 4 in pictures even though I'm closer to a 14). But this picture actually makes me look somewhat thin.

It also shows off my cute new (very expensive) haircut.

I still don't have a camera, but we had a minor flood at the building this morning that I had to take pictures of. I just so happened to have had to take some pictures of damage in this bathroom and I though - well, now I can post a picture of me - bigger than a thumbnail - on my blog.

Oh yeah - and check out the size of this camera. And it's only a 1.2 MP....thank God I don't have to use it all the time.

T Minus 4 Days and Counting

My son is very upset about the move.

He spent all day yesterday getting into trouble and really regressing into bad, old behavior.

I tried as hard as I could to calm his nerves and to tell him that everything was going to be the same - we'd just be in a different house. His bed would be the same. His toys would all be coming with us. Mommy and Daddy will still be there with him. Princess and Winnie would still chase each other around the new living room. AND, in our new house, he would have a big yard to run around in, to ride his tricycle in, we were going to put up his swingset and get him a sand and water table.

He was having none of it. I feel guilty because he wanted me to sit down and play with him so badly yesterday, but all I could do is get to packing. I got a lot done, but there is still so much more left to do. I tried explaining to him that this weekend (past) was going to suck, that Mommy and Daddy weren't going to be able to play with him too much and probably wouldn't next weekend either. But after that - WHOA watch out. We were going to be able to play golf out in the yard and run footballs in for touchdowns. We are going to be able to sit outside in the beautiful Colorado summer and watch the sunset and read books together.

I know that once we're moved he is going to be fine. I am worried though, that we are also going to be changing his daycare. Not right away, but in the near future. How is he going to react to that? He is so little and his mind doesn't yet comprehend anything more than an hour from "right now". It's hard for me to prepare him for this, because the only way I can explain it to him is to have patience, that Mommy and Daddy only are doing this because it's best for all of us.

Does anyone know of a magic pill, if you will, that will ease his anxiety about the move? He crawled in bed with us this morning around 5:00 and when I got up at 6:00, he started screaming that "NO! I don't want to go to school. Mommy not go to work!" I sat with him and held him tight for a few minutes before I had to get up. I feel SO guilty about this. Even though I know it's what's best. These are the subjects that they ought to cover in the baby books. Not what to feed them, but how to emotionally take care of them.

Flying by the seat of my pants does not seem to be cutting it.

T minus 5 days and counting

Y'all....I just don't want to do this. I mean, I want to move. I'm looking forward to our new place with the yard and all. I just don't want to pack.

I've been up since 6 this morning. I've read and commented on the blogs. I went up to Target to get a Mocha and some "packing supplies". Now, I'm about to get in the shower in hopes that it will motivate me to get packing.

I only have today. My husband picks up the U-Haul on Thursday night and will be moving our stuff Friday morning. Friday, I'll pick up our son from daycare and we'll go to the new house. I have to work all week, although I may be able to sneak out for a half day on Friday.... But by then, it'll be all unpacking. So today is it. I bought paper plates, plastic cups and silverware so that I could completely pack the kitchen today. I HAVE to get up off my ass and get moving.

I just don't want to. I'd rather just sit and watch TV all day.

This move is seriously sucking.